Each person has a different mental makeup, I believe. Here’s how I am.
I think a lot. I overthink a lot too.
My thoughts are often about the world, about justice/injustice. I am constantly in the search for methods to make the world better.
I am a critical thinker. I think about things from numerous angles, often starting from adversarial positions. I start with “what if the opposite is true?”
But I also try to win friends by being less critical. I try to be more affirmative and loving. Sometimes I slip though.
And then I keep thinking about such interactions.
I often mean what I say. I care a lot about honesty.
But often I don’t use words in the same meaning/sense as the rest of the world. And that often leaves me misunderstood.
And then I keep thinking about such interactions.
I tend to see things with the maximum complexity involved. But when discussing things I tend to explore the full depth of one aspect before (if ever) switching to another aspect. Sometimes this gets annoying to others who feel I am being reductive. I am being thorough.
And that thoroughness extends to complexity. I tend to want to explore every aspect involved in a situation. Sometimes that includes even the non-plausible explanations, or the unpopular theories. People can get annoyed by that thinking I endorse that explanation.
I also tend to highlight the forgotten/missed/invisible. This is annoying when there is a bigger elephant in the room. Sometimes I also switch to the other side and hate people who try to talk about the small aspect while ignoring the bigger issue. (I never invalidate the bigger issue).
I question categories, stereotypes, labels, ontology, etc a lot. I don’t bother to think about things in ways that are pre-approved by society.
I am an anarchist. I get a lot of philosophical problems when I see something that goes against anarchist ideas. But sometimes I am able to overcome that and act in non-anarchist ways.
This struggle is especially higher in areas like leadership, teaching/academia.
I can lead, but I bring an anarchist variation of leadership. I can even pass off as a hierarchical leader, but with great mental stress.
I can teach, but only if people ask me. I assume people think and are invested in things as much as I do. I get disappointed when others are invested in some topics only superficially.
I like to learn things. I don’t like to be not knowing something. I don’t like to be thinking of myself as not capable of learning something.
I trust all people by default. But this has been exploited a lot. Therefore I try to be careful these days.
I tend to get anxious about several things. I compensate by theorizing, preparing, etc.
If I make a mistake I keep thinking about it.
I have changed a lot and can change a lot more. It takes me a whole process to change my mental model, but they keep changing. But I still retain strong convictions. “Strong opinions, loosely held”.
I connect that with the scientific method. If something can explain things, it is useful enough. If something needs an explanation, we need to keep questioning.
I an comfortable when people are okay with me. But in bouts of moral imperatives, I call out people. And then I over think. But I am okay with some people hating me.
I love people. But I find it very hard to express love in tangible ways. Some people close to me say that I express love and care in very intangible ways.
I am very open about my life.
I like to experiment with my life.
I’m greatly influenced by feminist, anti-caste scholarship.
I like good documentation.
I love text. Long walls of text.
I hate pretentious people. I hate performative practices.
I am often thoughtful and silent. But sometimes I switch to an excited high pitched mode when I speak a lot of words and become a lot more open and thoughtless.
I will either ignore chores forever, or finish them in the best possible way right now. There’s no in-between.
I often procrastinate weeks for things that should take me a couple of hours. Especially when I’m mentally disconnected for some reason.
I’m either fully in love with some work, or hate it. There’s no in-between.
When I hate something I can’t do it. I have to reframe it in other ways to be able to work on it again.
I can do almost anything by building a conducive mental model / framework of thinking about it.
But often I can’t.