Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Way Troubles Are Solved (Between People) And Friends Are Earned

Don't argue that I'm wrong, because I'm dead sure about this:
All the fuss that people make, all the hassles, all the quarrels are because they do not talk.

In other words, there is no trouble in human world that cannot be solved by talking.

You disagree with X.

  1. You keep mum.
    • X thinks you are not interested in what X is saying
    • X just does not understand why you seem disinterested
    • X thinks you hate X
    • X gets angry at you
      1. X keeps mum about X thinking that you hate X
        • You think X is happy
        • But X is angry at you (and you don't know this, for X hasn't told you)
        • So when X doesn't talk to you, you think X is not interested in you
        • So you get angry with X
          1. You keep mum with X about getting angry with X
            • and so on 
            • and so on
  2. You tell X why you disagree.
    • X is intelligent enough to see whether you're disagreeing for the right reason
    • If you got it wrong, X will correct you
    • If X had it wrong, you correct X
    • The problem solved.
But when we disagree with someone we don't tell them that we disagree, let alone where we disagree.
Result: Trouble.
Instead: Talk.
Result: Happiness.

You doubt Y.
You think it is rude to say "Y, I doubt that you're lying"
So, you say "I trust you" and disbelieve.
[so Y doesn't get a chance to prove Y's innocence] Y is a liar
Now three weeks later this situation repeats. And you still keep mum about the disbelief. Y is a bigger liar
And three more weeks later Y lies. (This is the first time Y really lies) But you think Y was lying all the time before and Y is surely (with proof) lying this time. Thus Y is a professional liar - assured.

Instead if you said Y you disbelieve Y at the first instance, Y would have proved Y's innocence.
And the second time too.
And the third time when Y really lied you will know that Y is just an occasional liar.

But instead we keep mum. We think everybody around us are liars. We waste our lives living among 'liars' disbelieving everyone (whom you needn't disbelieve)

You had an angry dual with Z
You had a really nasty day. You hit your colleague in the face. You disagreed with your boss. You shouted at your spouse.
And you sleep (somehow) that night.
And the next day you remain silent to Z. So also Z to you.
Both of you think the fight is still on. The fight remains on.

Instead you talk with Z about the previous day. May be you apologize (even if it's not your fault). And Z recognize that you do not intend an intense situation. Z apologizes to you too. Both of you smile. Both of you happy.

Or what if Z is not ready to be happy with you? Try reconciling Z the next day.
And what if Z isn't ready the next day too? Try a week later.
Still not? Try a month later.
Still not? Try an year later.
Still? Stop trying. There is something wrong with Z.

Result: You did everything you can to be happy. And you are happy.

And whatever else be the situation.
The above are three ways where talking saves relationships and friendships (and kills enmity)
Not just these, every interpersonal problem can be solved talking.
That is why human beings are given tongue and ears.
But we seldom listen. And never talk.

Stop being silent. Talk. Talk more. Talk, of course, with the friends you already have. Reaffirm the friendship. But also talk to those whom you rarely talk with. May be someone among them is waiting to be a great friend of yours.

[Add to it that I gained a true friend day before yesterday. It could have come a lot lot earlier. But it didn't because I failed to talk earlier. But it's never too late]

Have a Blissful Life
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Unknown said...

The real problem not that we dont talk...
but the ego inside us.we think let ther one(X,Yor z)apologize to you....rather than i ...but being a normal human being no one can do that ..its natural

Akshay S Dinesh said...

The real problem not that we dont talk...
but the ego inside us.we think let ther one(X,Yor z)apologize to you....rather than i

Exactly. We think we fail when we talk first. And our ego keeps us mum.

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