I Do Not Deserve the Right To Wish You a Happy Independence Day

I won’t wish you a happy Independence Day this year.
Not just this year. Henceforth.
Because unless I begin doing something for my country, I simply do not deserve to wish you.
I was notified of this day coming. By the facebook event which asked me to show my love for my country by setting up India’s flag in my profile.
Is this how I should show my love for my country?
I was sure I wouldn’t be attending the event. I said myself if at all I uploaded anything to facebook it would be photos of how I served my country this I’day.
But till this moment, I have not did anything worthy to be uploaded under that tag.

I’m disappointed at myself.
I’m disappointed at not being able to do anything for my country.
Sure, I have dreams.
But I live only in dreams.
I have written dozens of essays on the role of students in improving literacy (the last one, today morning).
But I haven’t taught a word to anyone. When will I? How long will I be a student, to do that?
Not that I didn’t have a chance. There was a woman who sold helmets by the National Highway. Just opposite my house. And she had two children. One girl about 10 years, and her younger brother, my brother’s age. I knew neither of them went to school. I knew they deserved school as good as my brother and I. Yet I simply walked past them for weeks. Many a times had my hands reached for the paper and pen in my pocket to teach that little boy something. I even planned giving them an apple and teaching them the letter ‘A’.

But I never did these.

And I’m angry about that. There is no point in crying now. Because they’ve had enough sales here. They’ve gone.

I could have taught that little boy and little girl something. Anything. Anything would have been valuable for their lives.
But I didn’t.
What do I lack?
I dream so much about changing India. About empowering lives. If I can’t teach a boy of 6 ABCD, how am I going to change India?

I speak so passionately about how dirty politics is. About how we shouldn’t vote on the basis of religion, race, caste. But who am I to say that?

I don’t even deserve to be a citizen of a country where people like Nani Palkhivala lived and died for protecting the rights of the people. And I don’t wish to be one in a country where his name or the names of the thousands of others like him are not even heard.

I’m such a parasite.

Sure I have published a few posts in this unread blog about changing India. And some essays in school competitions that not even the judges care to read. What do I hope to happen? That all of a sudden all the Indians will get motivated and change themselves reading what I’ve written?
And who is to change India? My readers?
I ask everyone to change.
But I never did.
And I now realize my mistake.

But I knew my mistakes even before. Just that I won’t rectify. I won’t change. I will continue to be a dreamer. I will get into a nice profession, fill my purse, and eat unhealthy till I die. I will never feed the hungry. I will never enlighten souls.
I will never bring about the change I always speak so high about.
Because I’m such a loser.

What is the point in fighting hunger through facebook? What’s the point in feeding children through clicks? What’s the point in filling truckloads of paper with essays about changing India, taking her to the heights of development, etc?
What’s the point in blabbering about good leadership when you can’t be a leader yourself?
What’s the point in thinking about action?
Action is physical. Not mental.

Do I deserve to wish you a happy Independence Day? No. I don’t.
Because I don’t act.
I can’t even promise you that I will change myself. For, if I could I would have done something for my country already. I can only tell you that I will try.

And for that reason I do not deserve to ask you to do something either.
And I do not possess the right to express myself. I must shut up. Now.