Monday, November 25, 2013

6 Things To Do When You Are Stuck In The Elevator With A Girl

For the introverts

1. Check your smartphone. See if someone has left you a message. If not, play "Temple Run 5" or "Angry Birds Lift". Act, the same way you would when you are confronted with someone you hate, like there is something really interesting happening on your 4 inch display and keep stroking it with your fingers.

2. Stare at the floor count. See if there's any change in the speed at which the numbers change. Think of what you will do if the elevator fails and shoots to the ground.

3. Think hard, or act like you are doing so. Assign yourself the task of saving the world from alien invasion or climate change. And rake your brains for a solution. If you are a dumb medical student, scratch your head and twirl your beard, as if you are answering an essay question.

For the extroverts

4. Talk to the girl stuck with you. If you don't know her, ask her what she is or where she is going. See if you can make her smile. If you do know her, just shut the fuck up and start talking to her already.

5. Flirt with the girl. There is nothing as boring as a casual conversation.
"Hi" "Hey!" "What do you do?" "I work in the grocery store, what about you?" "Oh, I work in the other department" Weird silence. Trnim... (Announcement) "Ground floor"
If you are good at it, flirt with the girl and make her eyes twinkle.

For the drunk horny extroverts who are single, or who don't mind getting their marriage broken

6. Hit on the girl. Compliment her and make her aroused. Make sure she is single and is up for a game. Exchange phone numbers. Make her feel comfortable and while parting maybe gently touch her on the shoulders and say "see you soon". Then follow that up with as much romantic foreplay as you can, and try to get laid soon.

But never ever go faster than how fast the girl wants you to go. This is what Tarun Tejpal and all other idiots get wrong. If she doesn't want to talk with you, stop talking. If she doesn't respond to your flirting, shut up. If she feels uncomfortable, stop the lift at the next floor and get out of it. Do not ever fuck things up by making any unexpected advance, because even if you do not end up in trouble you will ruin the chances of your entire gender on being comfortable around a lady.

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