Blissful Life

When you apply skepticism and care in equal amounts, you get bliss.

Author: akshay

  • Medicine, Paediatrics, Surgery practicals.

    Oh, the last three days! If I had a moment for myself, I would have posted this one a bit earlier.

    I am usually not very tensed before any exam. But being the last set of exams, and losing 6 months if I don’t get through gave me some horrible horrible dreams on the night of 18th-19th. Being the first batch to go into Medicine practical, with MCI inspection as an added thing to worry about didn’t help at all.

    Thanks to some very helpful friends I had everything ready – CNS kit, watch, thermometer, what not. I even bought an aneroid sphygmomanometer hoping that I will permanently need it in two months when I become an intern.

    I even called dad and he helped calm some nerves, but there were simply too many of them left jumping at the slightest thoughts.

    Temporal sensation was lost to dreams mixed in reality – the first time I woke up (at 2) everything was normal, the next time I woke up (just before 5 when my alarm was supposed to wake me up) I had a morbid dream (which I happily have forgotten now) and the next time I woke up (it was 2.30!!) I was in my old home. The last time I woke up, just before 5 again, I was being asked by the external examiner to examine the internal examiner while all the patients were growling in the background in a room full of worn clothes (and yes, I had forgotten to wear apron and so couldn’t proceed to examine and that’s how I woke up). If someone does an analysis of my dreams, they can write novels about them.

    Dreams apart, on the day (19th), we went to the specially made exam ward where all patients were waiting for us. Cases were assigned randomly and I received a case of fibrothorax (?) with ascites (ALD? TB Peritonitis?) who had defaulted twice off ATT. I couldn’t finish examining the case and writing the case sheet in the 1 hour that was provided but somehow I wrote everything that came to my mind.

    And then I took two short cases – anemia and COPD.

    I had to use all my experience in presenting case in making a good appearance to compensate for my incomplete (and at several places, wrong) case sheet. After history I was presenting my impression as a case of fibrothorax due to PTB and ALD due to alcoholism. And then Dr Srinivas asked me for a single cause that would connect both the symptoms (breathlessness with ascites, limb edema) and I came up with COPD, cor pulmonale in failure. I thought the patient had clubbing of third grade, but there are these fingers that people have that look just like small parrot beaks but aren’t. Lesson learned: always check for grade 1 and 2 clubbing before going for grade 3 clubbing. After examination, I zeroed in on fibrothorax (the chest expansion and lung sounds were reduced on the left side) and ALD. But, the examiners helped me to a better diagnosis – that of TB peritonitis. And I gave a battery of tests for confirmation.

    The short cases were very short in presentation. The anaemic guy had no organomegaly on abdomen examination (we were supposed to do GPE and PA only). I could figure out some paleness in the palpebral conjunctiva but I don’t think I picked up platynychia. And I had never heard of fish tapeworm (Diphyllobothrium latum) which causes Vit B12 deficiency. The COPD guy looked emaciated and his chest expansion was just about a centimeter. Percussion over chest was hyperresonant and thus my diagnosis was emphysema.

    Later, in the afternoon, after some hot bread omelettes (burning through the superficial layer of my hungry gums) and soft drinks from the Jayadeva canteen below we had spotters followed by viva.

    All that I now remember of the spotters is that X-ray of hydropneumothorax which I almost missed.

    For viva, on the first table, I got an x-ray, this time with a large heart and some diffuse opacities around. I guessed pericardial effusion and had to give causes. The ECG showed ST elevation in almost all leads and I said it was pericarditis.

    On the other table, I had to identify Ryle’s tube and give another name (I gave the name nasogastric tube. How’s this different from Levin tube?) Turns out it is contraindicated not just in corrosive poisoning but also in kerosene poisoning. And then I got a chart showing CSF report of increased lymphocytes, high protein, and normal sugar levels. I diagnosed Tuberculous meningitis. And turns out the one drug that you give other than ATT is corticosteroids.

    I walked out like a champion, don’t know why.

    Even more horrible dreams before pediatrics (accidents, ambulances, everything morbid). But the cases I got were lovely – normal newborn, ADD.

    The newborn was very cute and his mother was just 20 years old. The examiners asked many others the steps of washing hands before examining. Wish they asked me that. I had to tell about warm chain, five cleans, about problems with teenage pregnancy, causes of jaundice on day 1, and so on.

    The ADD baby was weak, but irritable. And she slept with the chilum chilum toy I gave her. The examiners asked me the management of some dehydration. Then they asked me when ORT would fail. (I should have guessed vomiting, and I had no idea about “rate of purging” although I did tell highly “virulent” organisms, instead of telling cholera). Just before standing up for lunch, they asked me which other drug I would give, just to hear my Malayali pronunciation of “Zinc”.

    Not to forget the MCI squad who were filming the proceedings.

    After lunch, 4 stations for viva.

    Station 1: Diazepam. What are the uses? Status epilepticus, convulsions.. What dose? Who knows.
    Rotavirus vaccine. … Silence… (Oh, describe. Tell whatever you know). 6 weeks, 10 weeks… What are the side effects? Well, something with GIT? Have you heard of intussusception? Aah!

    Station 2: AMBU bag. What are the parts? Self-inflating bag, valve, etc. How do you put this in place? I pick up the laryngoscope parts and put them together and hold it like I was about to intubate the instrument tray. The anesthesia training last year was probably not impressive enough. What are the contraindications of positive pressure ventilation? Well, hyaline membrane disease? And the disease where the baby has scaphoid abdomen, bluish fingers, …? Blinks. Congenital diaphramatic hernia, you idiot.

    Station 3. Salt. Sodium chloride. Sometimes iodized. Used in all drugs. Should not be given in hypertension, kidney diseases, etc. Ragi. Rich in iron? What else? Staple diet of Karnataka? Not Kerala? Groundnut. Rich in protein? And? Carbohydrate? Have you heard of groundnut oil? Oh yes, rich in fat. Given in? PEM, to fill the energy gap.

    Station 4. X-rays. Identify. I searched everywhere in the left chest talking about pneumonia, consolidation, etc. What is on the left side? Pneumothorax!! How many tubes do you see in this x-ray? ICD, …and in the stomach there was a Ryle’s tube. Two more x-rays were shown with cardiomegaly. I still can’t say which is which.

    There was sunlight left when I left the building that I had went in without apron that morning.

    Last night I decided to sleep, come what may. Less of dreams too.

    Ran to Surgery block in the morning after having some breakfast (in so many days). Took short cases first – solitary nodule of thyroid, diabetic foot ulcer. And then Carcinoma breast.

    I couldn’t classify ulcer correctly! But told almost everything in a jumble. With thyroid I had to name some soft swellings. I remembered thyroglossal cyst. Then I had to say the development of thyroglossal cyst.

    For breast, I wasn’t even asked a lot of questions. Management, importance of movement with breast tissue, and done.

    In Orthopaedics which was going on the other side of the room, I got multiple exostosis and chronic myelitis. They asked me why it is multiple and why it is exostosis. They gave me the x-ray of the myelitis patient and asked me what other thing could cause it (tuberculosis, with some “Indianness” clues). I picked up the Austin Moore prosthesis and told what it is, where it is used. And they gave me the x-ray of an intertrochantric fracture.

    Then there was the lunch break in which some of my dumbest friends ate one chicken biriyani meant for the examiners. They would have had all five if the PG hadn’t arrived on time. Excellent time for revision too. Instruments, procedures, x-rays.

    Viva was quick. Went to x-rays first. There was air under the diaphragm. Intestinal perforation. Management would be antibiotics and then exploratory laparotomy. Then to instruments. Deaver retractor, Kocher’s forceps. Where else do you find Kocher’s? Turns out, a lot of places. Then, among some pathological specimens I identified the one Dr Balakrishna pointed out – testicular cancer. How do you say it is testis? Well, I could have just said that the epididymis was right there. But rather, I tried telling everything about its organization and shape and stuff. Then I had to tell the contents of spermatic cord. I told almost everything except messing up genital branch of genito femoral nerve with ilioinguinal nerve.

    And the last table was fun. I opened a chit with suprapubic cystoscopy written in it. I would say “block”, “block” instead of obstruction. And then, the examiner asks me, you are the medical officer in a remote place. You don’t have Foley’s catheter or anything. A patient comes with acute urinary retention. What do you do?

    All the 8 seasons of House became meaningful at that moment when I remembered House doing a suprapubic tap (spoilers in the link) in the season ending episode of first season.

    And now I must study for tomorrow.

    Abbreviations used in this post:
    TB – Tuberculosis
    PTB – Pulmonary Tuberculosis
    ATT – Anti Tubercular Therapy
    ALD – Alcoholic Liver Disease
    GPE – General Physical Examination
    PA – Per Abdomen
    COPD – Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease
    MCI – Medical Council of India
    CNS – Central Nervous System
    ECG – Electro Cardio Gram
    CSF – Cerebrospinal fluid
    ADD – Acute Diarrhoeal Disease
    ORT – Oral Rehydration Therapy
    AMBU – Ambulatory Mechanical Breathing Unit
    PEM – Protein Energy Malnutrition
    ICD – Intercostal drainage

    (Update: Read about OBG here)

  • Obstetrics, Gynaecology, and Paediatrics Theory question papers

    Obstetrics

     The trend of poor specificity in answers continued.

    Gynaecology

    Paediatrics

    Overall, there’s very good chances that I won’t make it in one theory paper at least. Can’t figure out which one.

  • Surgery all papers

    Surgery was an altogether different experience

    This is Surgery (general) paper, part 1
    This is orthopaedics paper
    And this is Surgery part 2 which was the ultimate cram-test

  • General Medicine Paper 2

    Everything went by so fast and I have no idea how. Heart failure, again!

  • General Medicine Paper 1; final year, final exam, finally!

    That’s the question paper, folks. Except the 10 markers, everything was random.

    Finally, after years of apparent toil, the final exam starts. I was cramming yesterday and today morning (exam was from 2-5 pm).

    Heart failure was taught by Dr Srinivas in those 7 day extra classes.
    Pneumonia, I read today morning. So was NASH and Sjogren’s.
    Secondary hypertension, I wrote from what I remembered Dr LakshmeGowda telling when I diagnosed Vinay with hypertension.
    Pancytopenia, BMT, Megaloblastic anemia, all the same answers.
    Vildagliptins lucky guess as hypoglycemic agent.
    Ptosis, thanks to learning opthalmology twice.
    Tension headache, I’d no idea, but compared it with cluster and migraine.
    Neurogenic Bladder, straight from Dr LakshmeGowda’s mouth from the extra classes.
    Scabies – I had remembered the organism that caused it, Zigu telling it while we were having lunch.
    ARB, I confused with ACE inhibitors (and wrote Enalapril, etc.), but I’ve drawn the diagram of RAS.

    Everything here and there knowledge over the past life translated into black ink.

  • The Reason Why You Cannot Convince Anyone To Switch To FOSS

    How many times have you talked about your favorite free software to a friend and they appeared totally convinced about how cool it is, but just won’t stop using their proprietary tool?

    Firefox is cool. But Chrome’s market share keeps increasing.
    XMPP and IRC are both cool. But they’re both dying.
    LibreOffice can do everything you need, but you still look for how to get Microsoft Office for the cheapest price.
    Facebook is evil, but you have to post this photo there itself.

    Why does this happen? Why is it so hard to make people start using perfectly good, free and open source software for their daily needs?

    Why don’t people understand?

    To answer it, you should ask yourself why you use any of those FOSS things.

    Why do you use Firefox? Because it’s secure, protects your privacy, and puts you in control? No. You use Firefox because you know Mozilla’s mission, and you are passionate about it. Or, because you know how to develop an add-on that changes the colour of the toolbar. Or, because you can do cool things with the in-built Developer tools.

    You use Firefox because it’s fun for you to use it.

    Why do you use GNU/Linux? Because it’s free software, secure, and puts you in control? No. You use GNU/Linux because you know the economic and social goodness of free software. Or, because you know how to do cool things from the terminal. Or, because you’re one of those people who can actually code the kernel and make it behave the way you want.

    You use GNU/Linux because it’s fun for you to use it.

    Why do you use encrypted/private channels for communication? Because it protects you from governments? No (unless you’re Edward Snowden). You use encryption because the very idea of having a conversation that nobody can snoop into makes you curious. You use encryption to understand how the whole thing works. You use encryption to prove that it is possible.

    You use FOSS because that’s what you do!
    You are probably a coder. You already enjoy building FOSS things.
    You are probably political. Your philosophy makes you averse towards proprietary.

    Think of anything that you use so naturally and you can’t convince a friend to switch to.

    Ask yourself why your friend should be using that software.

    If the answer is any of “free software”, “secure”, “control”, etc. your friend will never use it.

  • [jog-journal] Running With A Smile

    I went jogging in the evening today. My main goal today was to run slow with a smile on the face. To look at others and show my smile.

    I remember reading a long article earlier today about what goes inside the mind of a runner.

    I know what goes through. “Is my heart beating too fast? Am I going to fall unconscious and die? Should I stop now or run a bit more?”


    Funny thing is, every day,
    Just as I begin running from one corner of Kukralli,
    I see people going in the other direction,
    People whom I’d have never seen in my life before.

    I run halfway round and reach the other side,
    And then I see many of the same people.
    Whom I’d never seen in my life before,
    Except 10 minutes ago.

    And this time, they’d not be the way they were last time.
    Some would be sprinting full of sweat.
    Some would be slowing down, panting.

    And then I look at myself.
    I’d have changed too.

    But one thing remains.
    We’d all be still on the track.


    It so happened that I remembered one of the lessons from Chi-running I was practicing from school. I’d to look on the ground directly in front of me while running. It works and I ran longer than I usually would today.

    But when I tried smiling at the end of it, my cheek muscles were burning!

  • Who is Killing Our Bloggers?

    How do you discover content to read, on the Web?
    Do you have a specific set of websites that you visit every day?
    Do you have a single website that you visit every day and people there fill you in with links?
    Do the pages that you read online mostly come from your friends?
    Do they come from random strangers?
    Or, is it a mix of friends and strangers?

    If you like an author, what strategy do you follow to get updates from them?
    Do you follow them on their Twitter/Facebook account?
    Do you subscribe to their blog/website/column using a feed reader or an email subscription?

    Web is the most powerful and the most useful when it is decentralized.
    When people have their own websites, the Web is decentralized.
    People who have their own website (self hosted blogs, maybe) have complete control over what they can do with it. They can express themselves in whatever manner they find appropriate. The presentation can be as unique as they can make it. Individuality, creativity, freedom, control – it’s all theirs. They are limited only by their imagination (and technical constraints).

    Nobody can censor you on your own website. (Except authoritarian Governments who seek to control citizens by limiting their freedom of expression).

    But people can’t keep visiting your website everyday. There must be some way for you to let your readers know when you publish a new post.

    Email subscription offered by many websites and blogs is an easy way to send subscribers an update whenever you publish (or in a bunch). But email subscriptions go straight to the main inbox of most people and create clutter. This forces many people to unsubscribe them soon after they subscribe.

    That’s where web feeds come in. Web feeds, in ATOM or RSS standard, are small files served at a fixed location on your website. People can run feed aggregators (also called feed readers) to collect the feeds of various websites/blogs they like. These applications automatically checks the respective feeds for new content and if there’s any they show up as unread. In fact, till Google Reader shut down web feeds were very popular (or is it vice versa?)

    What happened to web feeds?
    Well, the task that web feeds did was taken up by social media. Whereas with feeds you had to directly follow the content creator (or the publisher), with social media you just had to follow someone, anyone (mostly your friends) and if they followed a publisher (or their friend did, or a friend of their friend, and so on) and shared an article from the publisher, you would find it in your feed.

    What changed?
    With web feeds you’d have been restricted to listening to a set of publishers you already were connected to. But on social media, what your friends discovered for you were a wide variety of websites and publishers.

    But there was another side for this too. With more and more friends pouring more and more content on to your single feed, social media like Facebook started employing algorithms to prioritize certain posts and show them higher up in your feed than others.

    That was a disastrous moment. All of a sudden people running these websites became immensely powerful. They could promote or demote anything in the feed that millions of people rely on every day. If they wanted a website to suffer or an idea to be not heard, all they had to do was let their computers know.

    Censorship. Arbitrary community standards. Seizing Control. 

    Publishers now have to pay to reach their own readers. Even then their content could be taken off people’s feeds any moment. And readers would never know, because they are not used to seeing all the content from a publisher. They are put in filter bubbles. Who wins?

    A person is what they read.

    And by letting someone else decide what we read, we’re giving them immense power over us. When an entire society does that, it is inviting catastrophies.

    For example, Facebook has such power and influence over people that recently in Kerala, a campaign against Facebook was running in (any guesses?) Facebook itself! And it doesn’t end there. They were even paying Facebook to boost posts and get more visibility.

    Imagine what can happen if Facebook decides to support a political party in the next general election? What if they’re already doing this and you don’t know? And the same Facebook is greedily trying to control more of what people can access or see.

    If there’s anyone killing our bloggers by denying them a chance to build a permanent readership and by promoting conformation, clickbait, and virality over quality and substance, it is social media, especially Facebook.

    Still, all is not lost. Social media are but feed readers with social capability. It’s not something we can’t have parallels to.

    Web feeds still exist. Blogging platforms too. I’ve already written about alternative communication platforms.

    And we can start building our plan B right now.

    Choose a feed aggregator for your operating system. I use Akregator. You might like Thunderbird (used as a feed reader), RSSOwl, Tiny Tiny RSS, or Liferea. There are many more feed readers (they’re also called RSS readers because RSS is one of the most popular format for web feeds. Another format is ATOM. Most feed readers support either formats). Download and install it.

    When you land on a blog/website you find interesting, look for the feed to subscribe to. If you have difficulty in finding the feed, you can use this nifty firefox feature that adds a “subscribe” button to your toolbar which will automatically detect feeds for you. (If you still have difficulty you can reach out to me and I’ll help you). Start by looking for the feed of this blog.

    At last, there’s one more thing you should do. Create a blog. If you have at least something to say, you must start a blog and make sure what you say stays on the open Web forever. And don’t forget to share your blog’s URL with me so that I can follow your feed.

    Together, we can save from dying the largest social network in the world – the open Web.

  • [jog-journal] I Woke Up Early Today. You Won’t Believe What Happened Next

    My professor had last day told the story of his friend who finished MBBS, Post Graduation, and some specialty, got married, had a kid, and at the age of 30 something, when everything was “settled” got a myocardial infarction. Don’t put health behind anything else, he said. And don’t go running from the next day, he said too.

    But, selective hearing at its best, when I woke up at 5.45 today, I had to do something useful. First I read one page of my textbook and just as I was about to go back to sleep, I got the idea to be running again. That’s exactly 3 months past the last time.

    Why do people have so much difficulty in doing what they are supposed to do? I had for a long time believed that people forget what they’re supposed to do and get involved in random distracting things. But if that was indeed the case, to-do lists must have worked like magic. But to-do lists don’t work. They just grow and grow and grow.

    If it’s not about remembering, maybe it’s a problem with the way we recall what we’re supposed to do. A to-do list is a bare short description of what we’re supposed to do. It doesn’t give us the entire context of what was going through in our mind when we jotted it down. It takes away the motivation.

    Maybe that’s why multi-tasking doesn’t work too. We need to enter certain “modes” to do things. When we’re supposed to be learning, we need to be motivated and comfortable to read. That is a different mind set when compared to when we’re supposed to be writing something creative. It is probably difficult for the mind to switch from one mindset to another.

    That’s probably why meetings, community calls, hackathons, etc leads to far more productive output than people left on their own produce. When you invest half an hour or a day to get your mind into a particular situation, it is filled with the motivation, the back-story, and the context of what it is supposed to do. And then, doing what we are supposed to do becomes easier.

    I have been learning d3.js since yesterday. It is a cool thing. 

    The road to kukralli has changed a lot. There are now beautiful pavements on either side. And kukralli itself has been decorated with flower pots on the sides at entrances.

    The pelicans are now floating on the lake. Maybe the pollution has come down a bit. And there was this kid running with loose shoes, not exactly lifting his legs while running, but dragging them. His shoes are probably gonna get worn out much sooner than he wants them to.

    And there was this white labrador dog which was so scared to jump across the roadside drain. The owner had to walk parallel till there was a small bridge across. Stupid dogs.

  • Onaghosham 2015

    I reached Mysore at 8 in the morning from Mozilla Kerala community meet-up and Zigu and Harinath had just dressed up to leave for the badminton court where 2k13 were organizing the Onam this year.

    I had a quick shower, changed immediately to the mundu I got as Onakkodi this year and the kurta that was dad’s; and left for the badminton court walking (my bicycle was being serviced).

    As soon as I reached I had sweet appam and chicken curry and then started working on cutting the orange jamanthis with Sanjana and Harinath. Zigu was drawing the pookkalam. We had our usual spot right next to the entrance to the badminton court. It was 2k14 batch right next to us, 2k12 then, 2k15 and Interns+PGs and 2k13 at the other end.

    While everyone was still laying the kalam, Aparna, Fahad, Gautam, and me represented our batch in the General quiz which was happening in the yard outside. Most of the questions were about Kollam (where the quiz master appears to be from) and we were leading till the last round. The last round was about kusruthi chodyangal (riddles) and we couldn’t figure out which dance form was associated with vehicles. So we ended up third.

    Back at the pookkalam we were almost done and I now was stripping vadarmalli petals for the extra finish. At 11.15 I went around to see how others were doing. 2k14 were just like ours. 2k12 hadn’t put 50% of their kalam. 2k15 had put all kinds of vegetables in. Interns were just re-doing what they did 3 years back when they won. And 2k13 just put some flowers in between a lawn of grass. After ensuring success I returned to our kalam to take selfies with everyone.

    After photographs vadam vali  started. I was trying to sit down with Terese when Gautam called me to be part of the team. Fortunately we had to pull just interns before reaching final. But Gautam got injured in the last pull and couldn’t particpate in the final. Naturally, we lost in the final to 2k12. They eat too much chicken. Even the girls. They won too.

    It was balloon bursting after that. And Arun almost won this time too. But only Fahad and Fayaz remained when Arun got out and it was Fahad who won.

    Then we had lunch. I, as usual, wasn’t interested in food.

    Post lunch there were many more games. Musambi in the bucket – where you put your head inside a bucket filled with water and bite a musambi out, Uriyadi, musambi eating, etc.

    In between the 2k15 juniors introduced themselves. Nice lot. Also, this year, for a change, PV had come for Onam. Took a selfie with her too.

    For tea there was, excellent according to others, dosa straight from the pan.

    Everyone came and the formal function was very nice. CFTRI administrator was the chief guest. Dr Shekar, Dr Dakshayani, et al with their Malayali love. Karun was Maveli.

    After the regular Thiruvathira there was three more group dances – an oppana, a thematic dance; and then a very nice cinematic dance.

    And a couple of songs. Dr Dikshitha made me melt.

    2k10 got mementos for leaving us. And we took so many photos. And everyone took one photo. And then we left.

    Number of people who broke their legs: 2 (Dr Ashitha whom Fayaz threw a stump on, and Josna who sprained her ankle falling from stage and ending up in our own Ortho OPD today morning)