Blissful Life

When you apply skepticism and care in equal amounts, you get bliss.

Author: akshay

  • Why Do Children Fall Ill?

    I had lunch and finished packing my bags at 3. Then I spent 5 minutes saying goodbye to my roommate which is when I told him that I'm going to North India for a trip. Of course I had to tell him at the last moment, because apparently last month he had gone to the same places I'm going towards the end of this trip. That must give a good idea about how much I talk with people in general.

    The railway station is 15 minutes away by walk. And I had to walk. After all, if I miss the 3.30 train there's another at 4. Walking to railway station is important. Once you board the train, you are a different person. And it is this walk that helps me transition. With a large bag on my back containing all clothes and a small bag in my front containing all the books and miscellaneous stuff, people would surely think I'm a seasoned traveler. And that gives me a false confidence.

    Maybe I'll be a traveler after this trip. Maybe I won't. That's why I'm going, you see? I'm giving it a fair chance. One month of moving around all over the offline maps I've downloaded should either make me love traveling or hate it. Either way, it will make up a nice activity for this month before my MBBS result is announced.

    I didn't miss the 3.30 train. It was a full five minutes after I sat down in the general compartment that the train started moving. It was in those five minutes that this young mother sat in front of me with her son who must be 1 and a half years old judging by his fragile movements and short vocabulary.

    When I woke up from my nap at Maddur station, she had just woken the boy up. And the Maddur vade vendors were all over the compartment. She bought one. And so did many others. (Some even bought five of them parcel.) But the boy wanted tea. And the tea vendor had just walked by into the next compartment. There was a coffee vendor around. So she bought a cup of coffee. She asked for another cup, an empty one to pour the hot coffee back and forth and make it tepid. But the coffee vendor wouldn't give her one.

    Why would he? The number of coffees he can sell is limited by the number of coffee cups he has. One cup less is one coffee less sold. That is why he told the men surrounding the lady who asked him repeatedly to give her an empty cup this: "What will happen if I give a cup? Nothing will happen. Nothing will happen to you people who talk. It is I who sell the coffee. Those who talk can keep talking. I have to sell my coffee"

    The old lady next to me gave her a small steel cup. And then everyone started talking. Everyone except me and another lady in the corner near the window.

    The boy's father had gone to Bangalore in the morning, with their two-month old child, after a fight. And she was going to get the child back from her husband's house in Bangalore. She only vaguely remembers where his house is. But she knows for sure that her mother in law and sister in law can't take care of her child like she can. And that is why she was on train with this stubborn boy who threw half the vade down and would not drink the coffee either, instead choosing to cry and flutter his legs incessantly.

    Everyone around was trying to distract their mind from her story by trying their best to stop the boy from whining. But of course they could not. The old lady gave them some tomato rice she had and the middle aged lady a chappathi, knowing very well that the boy wouldn't eat but the mother should. The men could not refrain from giving advice, "You should be humble and not create a reason for a fight." They themselves admit, "Of course, he drinks as alcohol all that he earns as a PWD worker and alcoholics don't need any reason for starting a fight." Yet they want her to change her ways.

    They want her to go live with her husband in his house. To work in nearby houses. Earn some money. Buy a small house in Mysore. And by then the kids would be grown up so it won't matter how her husband behaves with her.

    I didn't speak a word. What can I, a feminist, a social media activist, and a future health care worker, tell her?

    When she was talking she mentioned that she had given a bottle of milk to her husband that morning. Probably so he would feed the child at least.

    They say bottle feeding is bad for infants. So, in a few weeks this child might end up with diarrhea in the pediatrics ward of Bangalore Medical College. And the third year students there will ask her "Why did you feed the child with bottle?" And she might choose not to tell them the story of how children fall ill.

  • OBG practical and Internship Dreams

    Woohoo. Finally.

    I already wrote about the first three practical exams.

    OBG was a breeze. Went early to the special (examination) ward. Had a 24 year old lady with a previous Caesarean section as my Obstetrics case. And a 65 year old with procidentia uterus as the gynaecology case.

    I told the examiners that the reason for previous Caesarean was respiratory distress (instead of telling fetal distress) and I had to tell everything about fetal distress, all the things that are monitored, and what management to go with, and in VBAC-TOL how to manage first, second, and third stage; whether to cut-short second stage or not. It was more like they were testing if I could go work in the labour room tomorrow.

    Same thing followed in Gynaecology. My patient had decubitus ulcer and I had to explain how to manage it (and how to manage the “corresponding” ulcer in surgery (which happens to be venous ulcer)).

    Viva had 4 stations.

    Station 1: Ultrasound and x-rays. Luckily I got X-ray because I knew nothing about ultrasound. And the X-ray of pelvis showed a bent Copper T being assessed by a uterine sound? I had to tell the long term side effects of Copper T too.

    Station 2: Specimens. There were some 5 specimens and I could only recognize the anencephaly kid and so I chose it. I had to tell how I recognized it, that it is a neural tube defect, other examples of NTD

    Station 3: Instruments. I identified a manual vacuum aspiration syringe (Girls also had to pull it against vacuum to prove that they have the strength to do it) and a ventouse. Then I got a CuT and was asked how it is inserted the keyword I had to say being “withdrawal technique” which I didn’t.

    Station 4: Pelvis. Had to show bispinous diameter and give the common value. Then, I was asked to identify what was obturator foramen; followed by “what is its clinical significance?” which apparently was asked to many of my friends and nobody got the correct answer to.

    We came out and none of us could believe that it was all over. In just 4 (gruelling) days that went by like a quick cold shower, we had gone from students to doctors.

    Well, I say doctors because since yesterday I am addressing all my friends “Doctor” and dreaming of all the hospital work to follow. The only thing between Akshay and Dr Akshay now is RGUHS announcing the result with PASS return next to my name.

    And so am I reading through the thousand medical posts in Polite Dissent which I discovered by searching for that House scenario I talked about in the last post. And through so many nice posts in the underwear drawer.

    That is also why I got scared reading this horror story of a first year PG getting beaten up last week for the death of an accident victim and even read Hippocratic oath and MCI code of ethics.

    I can’t wait to finish Harrison’s now 😀

    Acronyms used in this post:
    OBG – Obstetrics and Gynaecology
    VBAC-TOL – Vaginal Birth After Caesarean – Trial of Labour
    NTD – Neural Tube Defect
    CuT – Copper T
    RGUHS – Rajiv Gandhi University of Health Sciences

  • Medicine, Paediatrics, Surgery practicals.

    Oh, the last three days! If I had a moment for myself, I would have posted this one a bit earlier.

    I am usually not very tensed before any exam. But being the last set of exams, and losing 6 months if I don’t get through gave me some horrible horrible dreams on the night of 18th-19th. Being the first batch to go into Medicine practical, with MCI inspection as an added thing to worry about didn’t help at all.

    Thanks to some very helpful friends I had everything ready – CNS kit, watch, thermometer, what not. I even bought an aneroid sphygmomanometer hoping that I will permanently need it in two months when I become an intern.

    I even called dad and he helped calm some nerves, but there were simply too many of them left jumping at the slightest thoughts.

    Temporal sensation was lost to dreams mixed in reality – the first time I woke up (at 2) everything was normal, the next time I woke up (just before 5 when my alarm was supposed to wake me up) I had a morbid dream (which I happily have forgotten now) and the next time I woke up (it was 2.30!!) I was in my old home. The last time I woke up, just before 5 again, I was being asked by the external examiner to examine the internal examiner while all the patients were growling in the background in a room full of worn clothes (and yes, I had forgotten to wear apron and so couldn’t proceed to examine and that’s how I woke up). If someone does an analysis of my dreams, they can write novels about them.

    Dreams apart, on the day (19th), we went to the specially made exam ward where all patients were waiting for us. Cases were assigned randomly and I received a case of fibrothorax (?) with ascites (ALD? TB Peritonitis?) who had defaulted twice off ATT. I couldn’t finish examining the case and writing the case sheet in the 1 hour that was provided but somehow I wrote everything that came to my mind.

    And then I took two short cases – anemia and COPD.

    I had to use all my experience in presenting case in making a good appearance to compensate for my incomplete (and at several places, wrong) case sheet. After history I was presenting my impression as a case of fibrothorax due to PTB and ALD due to alcoholism. And then Dr Srinivas asked me for a single cause that would connect both the symptoms (breathlessness with ascites, limb edema) and I came up with COPD, cor pulmonale in failure. I thought the patient had clubbing of third grade, but there are these fingers that people have that look just like small parrot beaks but aren’t. Lesson learned: always check for grade 1 and 2 clubbing before going for grade 3 clubbing. After examination, I zeroed in on fibrothorax (the chest expansion and lung sounds were reduced on the left side) and ALD. But, the examiners helped me to a better diagnosis – that of TB peritonitis. And I gave a battery of tests for confirmation.

    The short cases were very short in presentation. The anaemic guy had no organomegaly on abdomen examination (we were supposed to do GPE and PA only). I could figure out some paleness in the palpebral conjunctiva but I don’t think I picked up platynychia. And I had never heard of fish tapeworm (Diphyllobothrium latum) which causes Vit B12 deficiency. The COPD guy looked emaciated and his chest expansion was just about a centimeter. Percussion over chest was hyperresonant and thus my diagnosis was emphysema.

    Later, in the afternoon, after some hot bread omelettes (burning through the superficial layer of my hungry gums) and soft drinks from the Jayadeva canteen below we had spotters followed by viva.

    All that I now remember of the spotters is that X-ray of hydropneumothorax which I almost missed.

    For viva, on the first table, I got an x-ray, this time with a large heart and some diffuse opacities around. I guessed pericardial effusion and had to give causes. The ECG showed ST elevation in almost all leads and I said it was pericarditis.

    On the other table, I had to identify Ryle’s tube and give another name (I gave the name nasogastric tube. How’s this different from Levin tube?) Turns out it is contraindicated not just in corrosive poisoning but also in kerosene poisoning. And then I got a chart showing CSF report of increased lymphocytes, high protein, and normal sugar levels. I diagnosed Tuberculous meningitis. And turns out the one drug that you give other than ATT is corticosteroids.

    I walked out like a champion, don’t know why.

    Even more horrible dreams before pediatrics (accidents, ambulances, everything morbid). But the cases I got were lovely – normal newborn, ADD.

    The newborn was very cute and his mother was just 20 years old. The examiners asked many others the steps of washing hands before examining. Wish they asked me that. I had to tell about warm chain, five cleans, about problems with teenage pregnancy, causes of jaundice on day 1, and so on.

    The ADD baby was weak, but irritable. And she slept with the chilum chilum toy I gave her. The examiners asked me the management of some dehydration. Then they asked me when ORT would fail. (I should have guessed vomiting, and I had no idea about “rate of purging” although I did tell highly “virulent” organisms, instead of telling cholera). Just before standing up for lunch, they asked me which other drug I would give, just to hear my Malayali pronunciation of “Zinc”.

    Not to forget the MCI squad who were filming the proceedings.

    After lunch, 4 stations for viva.

    Station 1: Diazepam. What are the uses? Status epilepticus, convulsions.. What dose? Who knows.
    Rotavirus vaccine. … Silence… (Oh, describe. Tell whatever you know). 6 weeks, 10 weeks… What are the side effects? Well, something with GIT? Have you heard of intussusception? Aah!

    Station 2: AMBU bag. What are the parts? Self-inflating bag, valve, etc. How do you put this in place? I pick up the laryngoscope parts and put them together and hold it like I was about to intubate the instrument tray. The anesthesia training last year was probably not impressive enough. What are the contraindications of positive pressure ventilation? Well, hyaline membrane disease? And the disease where the baby has scaphoid abdomen, bluish fingers, …? Blinks. Congenital diaphramatic hernia, you idiot.

    Station 3. Salt. Sodium chloride. Sometimes iodized. Used in all drugs. Should not be given in hypertension, kidney diseases, etc. Ragi. Rich in iron? What else? Staple diet of Karnataka? Not Kerala? Groundnut. Rich in protein? And? Carbohydrate? Have you heard of groundnut oil? Oh yes, rich in fat. Given in? PEM, to fill the energy gap.

    Station 4. X-rays. Identify. I searched everywhere in the left chest talking about pneumonia, consolidation, etc. What is on the left side? Pneumothorax!! How many tubes do you see in this x-ray? ICD, …and in the stomach there was a Ryle’s tube. Two more x-rays were shown with cardiomegaly. I still can’t say which is which.

    There was sunlight left when I left the building that I had went in without apron that morning.

    Last night I decided to sleep, come what may. Less of dreams too.

    Ran to Surgery block in the morning after having some breakfast (in so many days). Took short cases first – solitary nodule of thyroid, diabetic foot ulcer. And then Carcinoma breast.

    I couldn’t classify ulcer correctly! But told almost everything in a jumble. With thyroid I had to name some soft swellings. I remembered thyroglossal cyst. Then I had to say the development of thyroglossal cyst.

    For breast, I wasn’t even asked a lot of questions. Management, importance of movement with breast tissue, and done.

    In Orthopaedics which was going on the other side of the room, I got multiple exostosis and chronic myelitis. They asked me why it is multiple and why it is exostosis. They gave me the x-ray of the myelitis patient and asked me what other thing could cause it (tuberculosis, with some “Indianness” clues). I picked up the Austin Moore prosthesis and told what it is, where it is used. And they gave me the x-ray of an intertrochantric fracture.

    Then there was the lunch break in which some of my dumbest friends ate one chicken biriyani meant for the examiners. They would have had all five if the PG hadn’t arrived on time. Excellent time for revision too. Instruments, procedures, x-rays.

    Viva was quick. Went to x-rays first. There was air under the diaphragm. Intestinal perforation. Management would be antibiotics and then exploratory laparotomy. Then to instruments. Deaver retractor, Kocher’s forceps. Where else do you find Kocher’s? Turns out, a lot of places. Then, among some pathological specimens I identified the one Dr Balakrishna pointed out – testicular cancer. How do you say it is testis? Well, I could have just said that the epididymis was right there. But rather, I tried telling everything about its organization and shape and stuff. Then I had to tell the contents of spermatic cord. I told almost everything except messing up genital branch of genito femoral nerve with ilioinguinal nerve.

    And the last table was fun. I opened a chit with suprapubic cystoscopy written in it. I would say “block”, “block” instead of obstruction. And then, the examiner asks me, you are the medical officer in a remote place. You don’t have Foley’s catheter or anything. A patient comes with acute urinary retention. What do you do?

    All the 8 seasons of House became meaningful at that moment when I remembered House doing a suprapubic tap (spoilers in the link) in the season ending episode of first season.

    And now I must study for tomorrow.

    Abbreviations used in this post:
    TB – Tuberculosis
    PTB – Pulmonary Tuberculosis
    ATT – Anti Tubercular Therapy
    ALD – Alcoholic Liver Disease
    GPE – General Physical Examination
    PA – Per Abdomen
    COPD – Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease
    MCI – Medical Council of India
    CNS – Central Nervous System
    ECG – Electro Cardio Gram
    CSF – Cerebrospinal fluid
    ADD – Acute Diarrhoeal Disease
    ORT – Oral Rehydration Therapy
    AMBU – Ambulatory Mechanical Breathing Unit
    PEM – Protein Energy Malnutrition
    ICD – Intercostal drainage

    (Update: Read about OBG here)

  • Obstetrics, Gynaecology, and Paediatrics Theory question papers

    Obstetrics

     The trend of poor specificity in answers continued.

    Gynaecology

    Paediatrics

    Overall, there’s very good chances that I won’t make it in one theory paper at least. Can’t figure out which one.

  • Surgery all papers

    Surgery was an altogether different experience

    This is Surgery (general) paper, part 1
    This is orthopaedics paper
    And this is Surgery part 2 which was the ultimate cram-test

  • General Medicine Paper 2

    Everything went by so fast and I have no idea how. Heart failure, again!

  • General Medicine Paper 1; final year, final exam, finally!

    That’s the question paper, folks. Except the 10 markers, everything was random.

    Finally, after years of apparent toil, the final exam starts. I was cramming yesterday and today morning (exam was from 2-5 pm).

    Heart failure was taught by Dr Srinivas in those 7 day extra classes.
    Pneumonia, I read today morning. So was NASH and Sjogren’s.
    Secondary hypertension, I wrote from what I remembered Dr LakshmeGowda telling when I diagnosed Vinay with hypertension.
    Pancytopenia, BMT, Megaloblastic anemia, all the same answers.
    Vildagliptins lucky guess as hypoglycemic agent.
    Ptosis, thanks to learning opthalmology twice.
    Tension headache, I’d no idea, but compared it with cluster and migraine.
    Neurogenic Bladder, straight from Dr LakshmeGowda’s mouth from the extra classes.
    Scabies – I had remembered the organism that caused it, Zigu telling it while we were having lunch.
    ARB, I confused with ACE inhibitors (and wrote Enalapril, etc.), but I’ve drawn the diagram of RAS.

    Everything here and there knowledge over the past life translated into black ink.

  • The Reason Why You Cannot Convince Anyone To Switch To FOSS

    How many times have you talked about your favorite free software to a friend and they appeared totally convinced about how cool it is, but just won’t stop using their proprietary tool?

    Firefox is cool. But Chrome’s market share keeps increasing.
    XMPP and IRC are both cool. But they’re both dying.
    LibreOffice can do everything you need, but you still look for how to get Microsoft Office for the cheapest price.
    Facebook is evil, but you have to post this photo there itself.

    Why does this happen? Why is it so hard to make people start using perfectly good, free and open source software for their daily needs?

    Why don’t people understand?

    To answer it, you should ask yourself why you use any of those FOSS things.

    Why do you use Firefox? Because it’s secure, protects your privacy, and puts you in control? No. You use Firefox because you know Mozilla’s mission, and you are passionate about it. Or, because you know how to develop an add-on that changes the colour of the toolbar. Or, because you can do cool things with the in-built Developer tools.

    You use Firefox because it’s fun for you to use it.

    Why do you use GNU/Linux? Because it’s free software, secure, and puts you in control? No. You use GNU/Linux because you know the economic and social goodness of free software. Or, because you know how to do cool things from the terminal. Or, because you’re one of those people who can actually code the kernel and make it behave the way you want.

    You use GNU/Linux because it’s fun for you to use it.

    Why do you use encrypted/private channels for communication? Because it protects you from governments? No (unless you’re Edward Snowden). You use encryption because the very idea of having a conversation that nobody can snoop into makes you curious. You use encryption to understand how the whole thing works. You use encryption to prove that it is possible.

    You use FOSS because that’s what you do!
    You are probably a coder. You already enjoy building FOSS things.
    You are probably political. Your philosophy makes you averse towards proprietary.

    Think of anything that you use so naturally and you can’t convince a friend to switch to.

    Ask yourself why your friend should be using that software.

    If the answer is any of “free software”, “secure”, “control”, etc. your friend will never use it.

  • [jog-journal] Running With A Smile

    I went jogging in the evening today. My main goal today was to run slow with a smile on the face. To look at others and show my smile.

    I remember reading a long article earlier today about what goes inside the mind of a runner.

    I know what goes through. “Is my heart beating too fast? Am I going to fall unconscious and die? Should I stop now or run a bit more?”


    Funny thing is, every day,
    Just as I begin running from one corner of Kukralli,
    I see people going in the other direction,
    People whom I’d have never seen in my life before.

    I run halfway round and reach the other side,
    And then I see many of the same people.
    Whom I’d never seen in my life before,
    Except 10 minutes ago.

    And this time, they’d not be the way they were last time.
    Some would be sprinting full of sweat.
    Some would be slowing down, panting.

    And then I look at myself.
    I’d have changed too.

    But one thing remains.
    We’d all be still on the track.


    It so happened that I remembered one of the lessons from Chi-running I was practicing from school. I’d to look on the ground directly in front of me while running. It works and I ran longer than I usually would today.

    But when I tried smiling at the end of it, my cheek muscles were burning!

  • Who is Killing Our Bloggers?

    How do you discover content to read, on the Web?
    Do you have a specific set of websites that you visit every day?
    Do you have a single website that you visit every day and people there fill you in with links?
    Do the pages that you read online mostly come from your friends?
    Do they come from random strangers?
    Or, is it a mix of friends and strangers?

    If you like an author, what strategy do you follow to get updates from them?
    Do you follow them on their Twitter/Facebook account?
    Do you subscribe to their blog/website/column using a feed reader or an email subscription?

    Web is the most powerful and the most useful when it is decentralized.
    When people have their own websites, the Web is decentralized.
    People who have their own website (self hosted blogs, maybe) have complete control over what they can do with it. They can express themselves in whatever manner they find appropriate. The presentation can be as unique as they can make it. Individuality, creativity, freedom, control – it’s all theirs. They are limited only by their imagination (and technical constraints).

    Nobody can censor you on your own website. (Except authoritarian Governments who seek to control citizens by limiting their freedom of expression).

    But people can’t keep visiting your website everyday. There must be some way for you to let your readers know when you publish a new post.

    Email subscription offered by many websites and blogs is an easy way to send subscribers an update whenever you publish (or in a bunch). But email subscriptions go straight to the main inbox of most people and create clutter. This forces many people to unsubscribe them soon after they subscribe.

    That’s where web feeds come in. Web feeds, in ATOM or RSS standard, are small files served at a fixed location on your website. People can run feed aggregators (also called feed readers) to collect the feeds of various websites/blogs they like. These applications automatically checks the respective feeds for new content and if there’s any they show up as unread. In fact, till Google Reader shut down web feeds were very popular (or is it vice versa?)

    What happened to web feeds?
    Well, the task that web feeds did was taken up by social media. Whereas with feeds you had to directly follow the content creator (or the publisher), with social media you just had to follow someone, anyone (mostly your friends) and if they followed a publisher (or their friend did, or a friend of their friend, and so on) and shared an article from the publisher, you would find it in your feed.

    What changed?
    With web feeds you’d have been restricted to listening to a set of publishers you already were connected to. But on social media, what your friends discovered for you were a wide variety of websites and publishers.

    But there was another side for this too. With more and more friends pouring more and more content on to your single feed, social media like Facebook started employing algorithms to prioritize certain posts and show them higher up in your feed than others.

    That was a disastrous moment. All of a sudden people running these websites became immensely powerful. They could promote or demote anything in the feed that millions of people rely on every day. If they wanted a website to suffer or an idea to be not heard, all they had to do was let their computers know.

    Censorship. Arbitrary community standards. Seizing Control. 

    Publishers now have to pay to reach their own readers. Even then their content could be taken off people’s feeds any moment. And readers would never know, because they are not used to seeing all the content from a publisher. They are put in filter bubbles. Who wins?

    A person is what they read.

    And by letting someone else decide what we read, we’re giving them immense power over us. When an entire society does that, it is inviting catastrophies.

    For example, Facebook has such power and influence over people that recently in Kerala, a campaign against Facebook was running in (any guesses?) Facebook itself! And it doesn’t end there. They were even paying Facebook to boost posts and get more visibility.

    Imagine what can happen if Facebook decides to support a political party in the next general election? What if they’re already doing this and you don’t know? And the same Facebook is greedily trying to control more of what people can access or see.

    If there’s anyone killing our bloggers by denying them a chance to build a permanent readership and by promoting conformation, clickbait, and virality over quality and substance, it is social media, especially Facebook.

    Still, all is not lost. Social media are but feed readers with social capability. It’s not something we can’t have parallels to.

    Web feeds still exist. Blogging platforms too. I’ve already written about alternative communication platforms.

    And we can start building our plan B right now.

    Choose a feed aggregator for your operating system. I use Akregator. You might like Thunderbird (used as a feed reader), RSSOwl, Tiny Tiny RSS, or Liferea. There are many more feed readers (they’re also called RSS readers because RSS is one of the most popular format for web feeds. Another format is ATOM. Most feed readers support either formats). Download and install it.

    When you land on a blog/website you find interesting, look for the feed to subscribe to. If you have difficulty in finding the feed, you can use this nifty firefox feature that adds a “subscribe” button to your toolbar which will automatically detect feeds for you. (If you still have difficulty you can reach out to me and I’ll help you). Start by looking for the feed of this blog.

    At last, there’s one more thing you should do. Create a blog. If you have at least something to say, you must start a blog and make sure what you say stays on the open Web forever. And don’t forget to share your blog’s URL with me so that I can follow your feed.

    Together, we can save from dying the largest social network in the world – the open Web.